i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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