why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
