Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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