god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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