Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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