i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
