took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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