I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
