A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
