How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
