he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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