i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
