We won't sleep together?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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