You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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