it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
