Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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