haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
