i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
