no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We have started to decorate penises.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
