When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
3 2 1 whiskey
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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