I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
