I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
