His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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