i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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