Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
