No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
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whose ass print is on the piano?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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