hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
