dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
this must be what syphilis tastes like
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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