he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
