What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i came on her dog
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
