I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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