"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
