but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
