Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
