So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
