I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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