I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
