Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
