Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize