i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
