You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Couch. On fire.
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