Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
