Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
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well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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