Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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