The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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