the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
