he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
