My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo