I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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