He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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