I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.