I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno