I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.