I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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