I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
