I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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