Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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