Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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