I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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