4 words: hood of his car
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize