Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
