Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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