Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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