Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
