He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
