mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
