remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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