if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
