That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
