i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
