I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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