sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
