i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
