problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
