he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
