Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
