I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
