my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Girls should come with a carfax report
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
