My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
