i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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