I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
