i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
