no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
