I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
